It’s sort of a dorky-sounding word, right? It makes me think of that time when I had a stamp collection. I was 7, and a new stamp cost 29 cents. Let’s just say it was a cost-efficient hobby for a 7-year-old.
But I’m 24 years old, and now I have a new hobby, and it’s called running.
Running far, running fast, and everything that encapsulates being a runner in between. And like you probably feel about your hobbies, I’m slightly obsessed. Obsessed with meeting new runners. Finding new races. Running new trails. Eating new runner’s foods. When someone asks what I “am,” I say “I’m a runner.” When I have a choice between running and walking … well, you bet I’m probably running.
You think you get my point, but really, you don’t. To prove it — and because it’s Friday and we’re all due for a good laugh after the first full week post end-of-summer — I share with you the craziest things I’ve done to feed my running obsession. Some are funny, some are quirky, some are senseless and some are just … gross.*
*I do not do this soon-to-be-mentioned activity regularly**
**Yes, I do take sponsorship from pad companies. Contact me appropriately.
Crazy Thing I Do for Running #1
Pee My Pants versus Stopping to Use the Bathroom During a Race
True story: I was up for second place female finisher in a half marathon trail race. It was about mile 10. I had to pee. If I stopped to pee, I would lose 3 minutes of valuable running time, and most definitely my second place finish. If I didn’t stop to pee, I would feel uncomfortable and be forced to slow down for the remaining 3 miles. Lose-lose-situation, right?
Wrong. I created my own option: I just peed my shorts.
The last time I wet myself (please, people, get your heads out of the gutter here) I was about 5 years old and sitting in the library of my elementary school. I couldn’t hold it. I was too frightened to ask where the bathroom was. Annnnddd action — little Sammy D peed herself.
But this was different. This was a run, in which I was running past other runners to reach the finish line. Other runners who clearly saw that I had in fact peed my pants thanks to the darker coloring of my shorts around my crotch.
The irony of the story? I didn’t place second. I ended up placing third. Damn it.
Crazy Thing I Do for Running #2
Go to Bed at 10PM to Run 10 Miles the Next Morning versus Go on a Date with a Hot New Boy at 10PM
The only date worth keeping? Running with my running partner, Rachel (left)
True story #2: Sammy meets hot boy at fashion week event. Hot boy asks her to hang the next night. Sammy plays along like she is going to meet up with hot boy at a West Village bar at 10PM the next night. Sammy texts with hot boy the next day. At 6:30PM, Sammy lies to hot boy and says she is going to have to reschedule. Hot boy says “boo,” Sammy says “yay” because she is running 10 miles the next day with her running partner.
It’s true. When you’re getting off from running, who needs the opposite sex, anyway?
Crazy Thing I Do for Running #3
Eat Meat Again to Save My Body versus Stick to Being a Vegetarian to Save My Planet
After being vegetarian for a year and a half, I dropped the V-card and returned to my carnivore side. Why the switch up? I was turning green (literally – ask for the pics), feeling lethargic for days after a long run and on the whole, feeling pretty crappy. So instead of reducing my carbon footprint, I upped the speed of that footprint and went back to eating meat. I enjoyed only my second steak since the conversion just the other night. Iron never tasted so good.
Crazy Thing I Do for Running #4
Invite People to Do Runs at 7AM in the Morning versus Turn Down Invitations to Go to the Bar at Midnight
Pre-running obsession, I was a drinker. Now my mixed drinks consist of protein and chia seeds with almond milk in a blender (hold the ‘ritas, please) and at midnight I’m dreaming of my run only 7 hours away. Check my email outbox and you’ll find requests for runners to join me bright and early in [insert random NYC borough here] for a New York Road Runner’s race. Benjamin Franklin — who so famously said, “Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise” forgot to add in the part about “early to bed, faster to run!”
Crazy Thing I Do for Running #5
Buy Clif Bars in Bulk from Amazon.com versus Buy New Sports Bras
Money is tight. So when it comes to priority, getting my daily dose of Clif Bar carbs is definitely at the top of the list. New sports bras, on the other hand? I just ring out the sweat and hang ‘em up to dry. Re-wearing workout garb never hurt anyone, but carbs … those are gone forever. Must replenish!
Crazy Thing I Do for Running #6
Talk to Myself Out Loud During Runs versus Listen to the Crowd for Auditory Encouragement
My mom and I post 10K in Central Park. She was cheering me on, but I couldn’t hear her because I was probably babbling to myself.
I talk to myself when I run. And I talk to myself loud — so loud that other runner’s are probably wondering WTF I’m saying to myself 8 miles deep into a 13.1 half marathon race.
“SAMMY! This is NOTHING! This is not even HARD!”
“GET IT SAMMY GET IT”
“Your body is a pillar of strength!”
I could go and on and on — those runner’s endorphins inspire creative self-communication.
Crazy Thing I Do for Running #7
Research What Glycogen and Lactic Acid Mean on Wikipedia versus Check Facebook for What’s New on the Newsfeed [oh wait ... I think I do these both]
Above: All-natural vegan protein powder by Vega
Well, I do in fact research random scientific runner’s facts and check my Facebook feed simultaneously … but the difference here is, I’ll share what glycogen means with you on Facebook after combing through the jargon and figuring out what the hell that stuff actually is.
Wanna know? It’s energy stores in your muscles, depleted in a marathon around mile 20. How to avoid it? Two words: CARB LOAD.
How about that for a Facebook status update?
Crazy Thing I Do for Running #8
Interrupt People’s Conversations Talking About Running versus Listening Quietly to People’s Conversations or Better Yet, Not Eavesdropping At All
If I hear just the first syllable of the word “runner,” you know I’m on that conversation and adding my two cents like I’ve been a runner for years (it’s only been about 8 months).
If you’re a runner, you’re my friend. If you’re thinking about running, I will tell you why you should be running. If you just started running, I will tell you how to run and what to eat and where to run and what to wear and … OK. I’m shutting up now.
Crazy Thing I Do for Running #9
Experience Hallucinogenic Running Trips versus Taking a Trip and Seeing Things For Real
Just watch this video below, and that’s all you need to know.*
*Sammy D did not hurt anyone in the production of this video
Crazy Thing I Do for Running #10
Write a Post About My Obsession for Running versus Write a Post About My Obsession for Running
This one is obvious — what’s there to chose?
You guys got a hobby? Give us a hug and leave us a note on Facebook. Darla, Julia and I want to know what you’re up to … and what you’re obsessing about, too.
Hopefully it doesn’t involve peeing your pants — I own that market, thankyouverymuch.